One Bullet in the Chamber

Okay, my wife told me I shared a little too much information in my last blog...So I am going to tighten up a little. That is why I named this blog "One bullet in the chamber."

Yup! You guessed it.  There was one more power swim left. Come to find out when the doctor was doing all the tests on me, my wife was actually pregnant. Imagine that! If we would have waited a little longer I could have bypassed all the embarrassment and guilt...Well at least push it off till a later date.

Can you imagine all the joy that filled our hearts when we found out our little Bella was coming to us. We were getting closer to the family we had always dreamed about. Now, looking back at it, I did not know then that our two little girls would grow up screaming at each other for borrowing this or borrowing that or yelling "get out of my room," or just shooting a simple glare that would ignite the other. Nope, that was not in our dreams of our perfect family. But at that time, ignorance was bliss and we were thankful to open our homes to this little angel.

For the next 8 years, we tried and tried and tried. Not that I am complaining:} We went on an emotional roller coaster every time my wife was a little late. Talk about high highs and low lows. In those eight years we went through 3 jobs and 4 moves. We kept busy with the other stresses of life, but in the quite moments of the night there were long conversations and deep thoughts of the feelings we had that we were still missing our twins and our little baby boy.

It is hard to love someone so much and know that there is no way that you can give that person what they want. Every time my wife and I had conversations regarding family I would feel so guilty and felt I was to blame. My wife never felt that way but the weight of the matter fell right on my back.

Little by little the topic faded but I still knew the days that my wife felt she was missing someone in the family. But what could I do?!?

Adoption was brought up at times and I would feel even worse. The cost of an adoption scared me and I did not even know where to start. My mission was to try to convince her that having three children was perfect. After all 3 is a Fibonacci number. It was a sign and I needed to help her understand that our young dreams were just a little off.

Thankfully, we were moving states and changing jobs soon. It was able to occupy her mind for just a little bit. But the upcoming move proved to change our lives forever.


Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family: