If something gets in your way....turn!

I was reading on a friend's facebook page and he posted this quote:

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."
-Muhammad Ali

For many facing trial the path may seem insurmountable, impossible. The weight of the

The courage to adopt...just kidding

I had just been offered a full time job by one of my clients and thought this would be the time to branch out. My kids were 11, 8 and 5 when we decided to move states and walk down a new path. Little did I know this move was vital in the blessings that would come.

My wife and I looked and looked for a new home. We looked everywhere and could not find what we were looking for. Finally the last home we looked at seemed to be just what we were looking for. We moved in and began settling down. Ahhhh the relief! My mind became occupied with establishing myself in this new job and in the community. Soon work, coaching soccer and just learning where the nearest Wal-Mart was becoming my biggest problem.

TIME WAS FAST, AND ADOPTION, WELL…MONEY WAS SLOW

As a young boy I had a myriad of different punishments inflicted on me when I went against the house rules. The one punishment I enjoyed most was sitting in front of the ol’ yellow kitchen oven and watching the clock. 5min, 10min, 15min, the time would just roll past. I felt a little like Br'er rabbit as I would cry out “mama please, oh please don’t throw me in front of the ol’ yellow stove! Whip me, send me to my room anything but watchin’ that clock”. With vigor mom would take me to the kitchen and I would climb up in the chair, position myself like I was at the movies and sit back letting my brain wander (there were times I would actually get lost in there, that is for another blog…or my therapist).  All that I was missing was popcorn, a drink and a box of red vines (NOT those nasty Twizzlers).  I was a simple child with a simple mind, but I made the most of it.

It is Hard to See Heaven through Hell

Ok tell me to shut up now....

No??? Well then here it goes. I saw this picture as I was looking through facebook and thought hmmmmmm. Hello, my name is OPPORTUNITY...In times of hardships we say yeah right! What kind of opportunity comes at us with loss of job, death of a loved one, inability of having children, you fill in the blank(s) ___________? Whatever it is we sit in the middle of it saying “Why me”, “How is this fair” or “Why not them?” It is hard to step out of our current situation and look at things objectively.

Hi, I am Jared I have a problem, I am infertile!

A friend reached out to me today and said, "Boy, you sure put it out there in your blog." She informed me that they have adopted and said her husband has to clarify that adoption was a choice and not because he could not "man up." She was baffled that men see that as a failure and she wondered how I could talk so freely about it without being embarrassed.

I began thinking maybe I do have a problem, maybe I should be embarrassed, maybe I should go to a IA (Infertility Anonymous) or create one so I can stand and say "I am Jared and I have a problem.... I...I...I am infertile!" After laughing at the scene I created in my mind, a circle of men looking at me sympathetically that my boys could not swim either, I came to my senses.

I am not trying to make light of my situation. I know there are men out there like me that something is wrong in the "plumbing" and it is very hard. I know because it hurt me for a long time, but what can I do...I can not, nor do I have the money to fix this particular problem. So I deal with it as best as I can and then it is not so much a problem it is just life! And I move on...even when my sperm doesn't!

The thing is, fretting about it won't change it, being discouraged won't change it, even hiding it won't change it. I am who I am.

In the words of my doctor, "NEXT!"

FYI

Statistically, 30-40% of fertility problems are caused by problems with the male, and 30-40% by problems with the female. The remainder either are caused by a combination of problems on both sides or are unknown. The Centers for Disease Control collects data from fertility clinics doing in vitro fertilization. Their latest figures on infertility causes in couples in which the woman is under 35 are: 40% female, 23% male, 17% combined male and female, 10% more than one female factor and 10% unexplained.(2) By either measure, male infertility seems to be a significant factor in about 40% of couples who have infertility problems.

http://www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/content/sex/art2108.html



Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family:

A Friend told me Last night

"I 100% support what you are doing and I am totally for adoption so I am willing to do my part as a friend in helping you spread the word. As a mother in my job to help children...not just my own but others as well. I pray for you that this journey you are on will be a huge success and that you will be able to help many families achieve their dream of having children!!!"

Thank you to all that help move the dream of family forward.


Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family:

One Bullet in the Chamber

Okay, my wife told me I shared a little too much information in my last blog...So I am going to tighten up a little. That is why I named this blog "One bullet in the chamber."

Yup! You guessed it.  There was one more power swim left. Come to find out when the doctor was doing all the tests on me, my wife was actually pregnant. Imagine that! If we would have waited a little longer I could have bypassed all the embarrassment and guilt...Well at least push it off till a later date.

Can you imagine all the joy that filled our hearts when we found out our little Bella was coming to us. We were getting closer to the family we had always dreamed about. Now, looking back at it, I did not know then that our two little girls would grow up screaming at each other for borrowing this or borrowing that or yelling "get out of my room," or just shooting a simple glare that would ignite the other. Nope, that was not in our dreams of our perfect family. But at that time, ignorance was bliss and we were thankful to open our homes to this little angel.

For the next 8 years, we tried and tried and tried. Not that I am complaining:} We went on an emotional roller coaster every time my wife was a little late. Talk about high highs and low lows. In those eight years we went through 3 jobs and 4 moves. We kept busy with the other stresses of life, but in the quite moments of the night there were long conversations and deep thoughts of the feelings we had that we were still missing our twins and our little baby boy.

It is hard to love someone so much and know that there is no way that you can give that person what they want. Every time my wife and I had conversations regarding family I would feel so guilty and felt I was to blame. My wife never felt that way but the weight of the matter fell right on my back.

Little by little the topic faded but I still knew the days that my wife felt she was missing someone in the family. But what could I do?!?

Adoption was brought up at times and I would feel even worse. The cost of an adoption scared me and I did not even know where to start. My mission was to try to convince her that having three children was perfect. After all 3 is a Fibonacci number. It was a sign and I needed to help her understand that our young dreams were just a little off.

Thankfully, we were moving states and changing jobs soon. It was able to occupy her mind for just a little bit. But the upcoming move proved to change our lives forever.


Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family:

What ? They don't swim up stream? They don't even swim?

I was a young man. My wife and I had been married six years. We were the proud parents of two children. Squints was 5 and Flicka she was 2. Our visions of a family of six had always occupied my wife and my conversation since where where 17 and 16. I know I know I am sure there was more to talk about as teenagers. But our future family has always been a part of our lives.

After having tried and tried for 2 years with out success to become pregnant after Flicka. My wife became very discouraged. We had always had difficulty getting pregnant. Finally the time came that we went to see a doctor.

As we visited with the doctor. He informed us that checking where the "PROBLEM" was consisted of a long process of tests and checks and that he always started with the man. Humpf the man!! Like I had the problem. My boys were strong, as strong as Alaskan Salmon. Well so I thought. Then he handed me a cup. A cup? I looked at him confused as I thought that the cup was just a made up story...It is not. I waited and thought ohhhhhh.... He is serious. So I grabbed the cup and waited for the magazine. Well to my surprise the magazine is a prop of a SNL sketch. Who would of thought.

The nurse informed me that I had a half hour to bring back the cup and if home was to far away well there was a bathroom down the hall. On the spot processing what has this world come to? I judged the time to go home process and get back. I hung my head and headed to the bathroom.

Skip to next scene. Sorry!

We where called back the next week. To talk to the doctor about his findings. As we came in to his office he stood up pointed at me and just laughed and laughed and laughed. Well not really but I felt the same way after he told me that my boys don't swim! They don't even move. Wow, what a hit. Not only were we told we could not have children I was told it was my fault. There was no need to check my wife...since I was the culprit.

ME the man! I was suppose to be the producer of male children and girls as well. I just took a hit to my male ego. I was out for the count. The dreams that my wife and I had about our large family (six kids, 3 boys 3 girl, a set of twins and our baby boy caboose) were shattered. Gone and not in reach. What could we do but walk out to the car and cry!

Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family:

If you like what I am doing for adoption tell your friends by pasting the following to your blog. It will post the above banner with a link to the Adoptive Family Center:


<a title="Adoptive Family Center" alt="Adoptive Family Center" href="http://www.adoptivefamilycenter.com">
<img border="0" title="Adoptive Family Center" alt="adoptive_family_center" src="http://www.adoptivefamilycenter.com/images/adoptivefamilycenterblog.jpg"></a>

Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family:

Adoption Finalization Date Set

Today my wife called me and informed me that our adoption court date has been set for our youngest 2 children (siblings) "Sassy" (4yrs) and "Mike" (15mnths). It has been 8 long months. I can not wait for it to be done. The waiting for all things to be finalized has been long. It will be nice to hear the gavel drop.

Sassy will be jumping for joy she came into our home at 3 and now is four. She asks everyday "when are we going to see the judge!" She will have to find a new question to ask. I wonder what it will be?

My oldest boy "Squints" my older girls "Flicka" and "Bella" and my second youngest son "Franky" will be excited to have our family completed. It has been over 20yrs of waiting for this day. This completion of our family but it is finally completed.

Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared

Thinking about adoption?
Open your adoption opportunities with this revolutionary tool that allows you to be shown to multiple birth parents, by multiple adoption professional nation wide, increasing your ability to find your family: