A friend reached out to me today and said, "Boy, you sure put it out there in your blog." She informed me that they have adopted and said her husband has to clarify that adoption was a choice and not because he could not "man up." She was baffled that men see that as a failure and she wondered how I could talk so freely about it without being embarrassed.
I began thinking maybe I do have a problem, maybe I should be embarrassed, maybe I should go to a IA (Infertility Anonymous) or create one so I can stand and say "I am Jared and I have a problem.... I...I...I am infertile!" After laughing at the scene I created in my mind, a circle of men looking at me sympathetically that my boys could not swim either, I came to my senses.
I am not trying to make light of my situation. I know there are men out there like me that something is wrong in the "plumbing" and it is very hard. I know because it hurt me for a long time, but what can I do...I can not, nor do I have the money to fix this particular problem. So I deal with it as best as I can and then it is not so much a problem it is just life! And I move on...even when my sperm doesn't!
The thing is, fretting about it won't change it, being discouraged won't change it, even hiding it won't change it. I am who I am.
In the words of my doctor, "NEXT!"
FYI
Statistically, 30-40% of fertility problems are caused by problems with the male, and 30-40% by problems with the female. The remainder either are caused by a combination of problems on both sides or are unknown. The Centers for Disease Control collects data from fertility clinics doing in vitro fertilization. Their latest figures on infertility causes in couples in which the woman is under 35 are: 40% female, 23% male, 17% combined male and female, 10% more than one female factor and 10% unexplained.(2) By either measure, male infertility seems to be a significant factor in about 40% of couples who have infertility problems.
http://www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/content/sex/art2108.html
Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared
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the Wife's Weigh-in
ReplyDeleteJared did take it as a pretty big blow to his MANHOOD. I tried to help him shift blame elsewhere....
Maybe it was the steel-toed boot your brother kicked you with that made you not walk for a week?
Maybe it was the machine you worked with that had the big sign above it that read "MAY CAUSE STERILIZATION"?
Either way he has eventually come to grips with it and can now make jokes about it....as you can clearly see.
And he's right it didn't change anything...we still have the family we were meant to have.