TIME WAS FAST, AND ADOPTION, WELL…MONEY WAS SLOW

As a young boy I had a myriad of different punishments inflicted on me when I went against the house rules. The one punishment I enjoyed most was sitting in front of the ol’ yellow kitchen oven and watching the clock. 5min, 10min, 15min, the time would just roll past. I felt a little like Br'er rabbit as I would cry out “mama please, oh please don’t throw me in front of the ol’ yellow stove! Whip me, send me to my room anything but watchin’ that clock”. With vigor mom would take me to the kitchen and I would climb up in the chair, position myself like I was at the movies and sit back letting my brain wander (there were times I would actually get lost in there, that is for another blog…or my therapist).  All that I was missing was popcorn, a drink and a box of red vines (NOT those nasty Twizzlers).  I was a simple child with a simple mind, but I made the most of it.

I have found that I have lost that ability I had as a kid. As I watched the clock of my life tick past, I knew that the family my wife and I dreamed of was stepping farther and farther away from being reality. My wife did fairly well at hiding her disappointment but when we talked, I could see it in her eyes. She was truly lacking something in her life. We are religious folk, so with all of our faith we got down on our knees and raised our voices up. I hoped that a voice from earth like mine could reach an ear in heaven like His. I would stand up from my prayers and have hope that the wife would become pregnant again….Then I thought about that and decided to fire our milk man, I denied any house deliveries from any company and if I had a pool, the pool boy, he would have been gone as well! Nope this was a job for me and no one else.

My wife began switching her tactics and started talking to me about the possibility of adoption. Her and I have always wanted to adopt or foster but thought it would be something we would do when our children were raised. Plus, I did not even know where to start with adopting and it scared me to death. I also heard about the cost of adoption and I was not making that kind of money.

You have got to be kidding me, not only could I not produce the needed element to create a child, I was not man enough to make enough money to afford an adoption. Talk about a 1, 2 punch!

I would find myself continuing to look at our family’s proverbial clock ticking by, hoping for my childhood days to kick in and find time passing as my mind took me on a journey with a smile on my face, drool from the corner of my left lip and a longing for a red vine. But no such luck.  I would stare and see only my failures and unaccomplished dreams.

Thinking she was providing hope to the both of us, my wife stopped talking about getting pregnant and started talking about adoption…Funny for me, she jumped from the pot into the frying pan. How were we going to adopt? We were not wealthy, nor did we have family that could help.

Changing the way I thought, I invited back the milk man, I began receiving FedEx again and we still did not have a pool. I knelt down and started praying for a rich relative to die and leave us his fortune. Then I began trying hard to work longer hours to bring in more money!


Thanks for sharing my adoption journeys,
Jared
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